I need to get this off of my chest. I have a half-day off from work today, and there is a Star Wars marathon on Spike. Problem is, they picked the wrong trilogy to air, and I am stuck listening to the incessant squabbling of Jar Jar Binks - trust me, by the time Hayden Christensen attempts to grace me with his presence on my television screen, the TV will be smashed into a million pieces on the sidewalk below.
I love Star Wars. Everyone has their childhood (screw it, lifelong) obsessions, such as superhero storylines, masterpiece novels, television series - you get the idea. My go-to is Star Wars. It is my favorite thing of all-time, trashy prequels and all. I can recite every line from each movie, I've played almost every Star Wars video game, and had a slew of Star Wars action figures and board games as an adolescent. I've owned every lightsaber available in stores and, like everyone's favorite actor Hayden, eventually broke each one from excessive use. Honest to God, I would probably own one now at age 24 if someone else bought one and promised to duel me in the backyard when we both had some free time.
This all goes without the scientific and intellectual aspect Star Wars brings to the table. The original trilogy was at least 30 years before its time, and introduced its audience to concepts and dreams never before conceived. It is brilliant, as well as entertaining, and when the prequel trilogy fell flat on its face, it was borderline depressing.
Earlier this year, it was announced that LucasArts was being sold to Disney, and another set of movies could be expected. Only this time, Lucas, who bombed on the prequels, would be handing over directing duties to J.J. Abrams. Now, Star Wars fans everywhere are anticipating Episode VII, VIII, and IX as eagerly as they are nervously. They could help to successfully make up for what was the utter failure of I, II, and III, and they just as easily could be overkill. There is plenty of risk in this undertaking, and I certainly hope Abrams is up to the task. Given the risk, I think there is far more potential in a different project, and it would put Abrams in a no-lose situation. Reboot the Star Wars prequels.
Think about it. If Abrams were to take on the prequels instead of going in the other direction, the potential is just like Annakin's midichlorian count - off the charts. If he succeeds, he will be hailed as a savior of horribly disappointing movies by a fan base that can only be measured on a global scale. If he fails, it isn't exactly comparing the Pink Star to the Hope Diamond. This project deserves serious consideration. I don't have a full-blown plan on how Abrams could go about such a task, but I think I may have some starting points.
For starters, kill off Episode I completely. Blow it off the map. Get rid of the political nonsense. Get rid of the godforsaken Gungans, especially Jar Jar Binks. Get rid of Star Wars' version of the car chase (Podracing). The only components I would keep are Darth Maul, the Trade Federation (not as a separate entity, but as a member of the Confederacy), fragments of Anakin as a slave, which includes his relationship with Padme, the final Battle of Naboo and maybe Qui-Gon Jin in a reduced role.
Begin on Naboo - I'm only keeping Naboo because of Padme - during the final battle. Darth Maul survives the fight with Obi-Wan to play a greater role as an antagonist in the Clone Wars.
Speaking of the Clone Wars - it was only the largest-scale war in galactic history. Take fucking advantage of it and include some epic battles that pit Jedi against Sith, and Clone against Droid. The possibilities are endless. Don't just throw a bunch of Jedi into an arena being taken down like flies in a matter of minutes while Hayden Christensen rides around on a big fucking space rhinoceros snapping lightsabers in half.
Also, if it wasn't clear before, hipster Hayden is out as Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader, arguably the most iconic character in the Star Wars universe. Seriously, we gave that role to a Canadian? Lucas, you screwed up big time. Focus more on his evolution from slave to Jedi apprentice, and when he blossoms into one of the most powerful Jedi at such a young age before succumbing to the Dark Side. I don't know if LucasArts was just feeling lazy, but there was a ten-year gap between Episodes I and II. TEN. YEARS. In that time, Anakin went under Obi Wan's tutelage, built his first lightsaber, hit puberty, and embarked on his path of destiny that supposedly would lead him to become the greatest Jedi ever. And Lucas threw up a big middle finger to all of that and just dumped Hayden on us gawking at Padme. Change all of that. Make Anakin the badass he was supposed to be. I'm no movie director, so I don't have the plans or resources to make that happen, but Abrams should consider it.
That's about as far as I've gotten, because as I just mentioned, I'm no director. But I honestly believe it's a starting point that you can work with. Give it a shot Abrams. What do we have to lose?
No comments:
Post a Comment